Trying to find a home - Poem -

I'm tired, I'm tired, I've grown tired of you.

My mind hurts, my mind hurts, it hurts because it's always thinking of you.

So, why, so, why.. why, does it, feel like, I've known you before.

Tempting, me, your tempting me to be, someone, someone, that I, want to be.

Tired, so tired, tired, of being someone else.

My will is there, my soul is there, but, they, both, want control.

My mind hurts, my mind hurts, it hurts because, I'm out of control.

Why, why, why do you tempt me so, it brings, a smile, to my, face when I know.

Your waiting, you've been waiting, trying to find my home.

And I gave, all I, could to get you home, to my world, in my place, in my arms, to my face..

My lips have, struggled, to find themselves their home...

Their waiting, been waiting, so waiting... they long to roam..

Across yours, inside yours, deep within yours, they want to find a home.



Scott

Don't stop - Song -

Quietly I am waiting

I am looking for the one thing I fear

Quietly I am waiting

There is nothing for me here

Quietly I am waiting

For the last vision of hate to disappear

BUT I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE

BUT I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE

BUT I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE



Divide myself for the dogs to feed on

Let my blood run free and drink of me

SCREAM - THE PAIN IS ALL MINE NOW - SCREAM -

THE PAIN IS ALL I KNOW

DON'T STOP---------

DON'T STOP---------


Save me for what? as if I asked for help

Save me for what? did it not occur to you I enjoy my hell?

LET ME BLEED ON THE GROUND - LET ME BLEED ON THE GROUND

THE SMILE IS ALL MY OWN

LET ME BLEED ON THE GROUND - LET ME BLEED ON THE GROUND

THE SMILE IS THE LAST I OWN


Would you take my last possession from me, would you take my last bit from me?

DON'T STOP--------------

DON'T STOP--------------

DON'T STOP--------------


PLEASE!

please...

please.....


Scott

Moments -Poem-

There is a stillness in the air, it tastes of life frozen in time. The woods are quiet inside, they feel of moments locked forever in the last place they were left. Have the spirits come to play at night, they long for the remembrance of lifes touches and treasures. Every angry little moment is neatly put away and held hostage by feelings cascading from my heart, puddled on the ground to have rocks skipped across them. Glancing rocks which represent the attacks against my emotions, hurled at me on a day to day basis from people who are selfish unto themselves.

Scott

Doing Well Without Me - Song -

I wrote this 2 months ago, which was a month after my fiance left me.. I found it in my documents as I was going through them and decided maybe it was time to seal the last brick of closure by posting it.


Doing well without me - Song -

I hope your doing fine in this world without me.

I hope you've found the smile I lost.

I'm doing good but I only see my truth through fear.

I hope your laughing without me, I hope he makes your smiles reappear.

I've been wondering what it felt like to hold you.

I'm sorry I can't imagine what I should say.

When everything went bad, I was always mad, mad at me.



Have the days grown long without me, have the nights been lonely when I'm not around.
I wanted to see a smile on you, but the last memory I have is a sullen you glaring back at me.


I hope your doing well without me.

I hope your smile is still there without me.

How did I fail you this time? and how did it bring you fear?

You were everything I had in this world, and now I have nothing, but, me.

I can't imagine my world without you, but I guess I need to try to.

I'll try to imagine what its like in your arms, I'll try to remember your smells, it's all I have now.


Have the days grown long without me, have the nights been lonely when I'm not around.
I wanted to see a smile on you, but the last memory I have is a sullen you glaring back at me.


I'm sorry you had to hurt inside, I guess it was just time....

I'll be ok in this world, if only because my last possesion is me.



Scott

Dark Angel - Poem -

Sweet angel of the night,
You have been through hundreds of years.

You have seen many come and go,
you have kissed so many you don't know.

Life has been taken so you may live,
You live in the vicious cycle of life.

You will always want because you are alone,
You are alone because you have been kissed with a curse.

There is nothing you can do but move on,
spend your nights in the arm of another life.

When morning comes give him the final kiss,
then walk away never to be kissed from him again.

This cycle is your mimicry of life,
This life is your mockery to death.


Scott

Waking up to me - Poem -

I woke up to realize,
I realized life is not worth running from.

There is nothing real,
there is a better part to me.

I can make my own reality,
I can design my future for all to see.

I find myself held and silenced by society,
they grab and pull and tear at me.

My muzzle is of little consequence,
my pens blade will destroy with impudence.

My fears are always fenced up within me,
Kept locked up so as to be exibits for me.

Scott

Hunter of the night - Poem -

I have walked too long into the night.

It smells so beautiful out here,
the air is crisp and rife with life.

I am hunted because I exist.

I must hunt to exist,
no mortal can understand.

With the gift from my dark god I am possible.

My gift is two fold,
both beneficial and a curse.

I will live forever and I will hunt to stay alive.

I will stay alive,
even though I am now dead.

I will die only when kissed by the God of life.

The God of life is my hunter,
his arrows tear through me and leave me wanting.

I will want and haunt forever - its all I now have.


Scott

Dark Ramblings

The dead walk the earth in unison to the beat of the universe. There is no more hope for the wicked, the living are nothing more than products in the supermarket. We have become complacent within our minds and allowed the dark side to grab hold of us and choke us for all we have. Is this so bad? no, not really... maybe it's time the darkside had a fair fight, maybe it's time for the legions of the damned to awaken and step into the light, fear not the touch of God, he only teases you, he can never mark you, the beast has taken care to do that for you already.. isn't that nice?

Scott

Update on Scott

Well, it's been quite some time since I've made a post that included anything other than Poems or Songs I've written.. and to be honest.. I appreciate everyone putting up with me.. I know some of what I write leaves alot to be desired.. I also know some of it is very profound with hidden meanings that people are discovering every day.

I thought I would take this time to write a bit about whats going on in my life..

Nearly 3 months ago my fiance at the time left me for my best friend... this was a shocker to say the least and seriously affected me.. so much so that I nearly didn't survive it.. but, I held fast because I have great friends and a wonderful family that as always, were there for me when I needed them the most.. I love everyone of you dearly for that.

I started a new job with Apple Computer as a Mac Genious at the same time.. so talk about a mountain of stress on your shoulder.. New job, loss of fiance and best friend as well as having to go to cupertino to get certified in a 2 week course to be a Mac Tech ( Mac Genious is the real title.. I cringe everytime I say it.. ) This all happened within 1 week.. did I mention they also found a brain tumor in my father at the same time? ohh.. I forgot to say that huh? well.. they did.. so talk about your world being thrown to hell in a handbasket.. that was it.

So, I did everything I needed to. I passed my certs for Apple, I moved in with my brother ( still sleeping on a couch atm.. ) I gathered a few of my belongings from my former home ( all my stuff is still there, but thats another story later.. ) My father had most of the tumor removed in a very successful operation ( He's undergoing radiation and chemo for the rest. ) and I'm currently doing great at my new job..

I've gone through alot in my life.. I've been homeless 3 times with my family for various reasons.. I died twice.. I helped do CPR on my younger brother Jason who was hit by a car when he was 5, he died and we brought him back to life, my older brother Kevin and I.. We were commended by the Fire Dept. for our actions in saving his life.. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm saying that like anyone else, no one knows the story of a person until you look through their eyes and sometimes, just sometimes, their story isn't the one you really want to see..

But, things are always moving forward, things are constantly in motion and I will always come out on top, one way or another.. because I'm not a quitter.. if I was I would not be where I am today... I'm buying my first home.. I'm doing personal things for myself I never thought possible.. and I'm working towards a better career for myself in the entertainment industry.. ( one way or another.. ) I have re-established friendships I thought were permanently lost from many years ago and that is something that I have to say makes me the happiest right now..

Things will always get better for me.. this I know.. it's just sometimes life likes to roshambo you when your not even ready.. just suck it up and let the pain subside because... nothing hurts forever.. you just have to remember that..

By the way.. predefined destiny still exists and I know my destiny has great things and even greater people instore for me in this life.. I have no doubts about that.. after all, with my new job at Apple, I have already made incredible new friendships I will treasure forever..Thanks guys..


Scott

Find my way to me - Song -

I hope you can see past me
I'm sure there are better men than me
I think you stand a better chance without me
It's just what has to be


I can't find my way to me
But I can see a new road away
If I pull over I can make an attempt to be
Something different than what you see


I can write a thousand pages
But when I'm done what will the use be
I can write so many reams
But when I'm out who will see me


I can't find my way to me
But I can see a new road away
If I pull over I can make an attempt to be
Something different than what you see


This dark room has befriended me
This is the chamber that calls to me
There is no other place I'd rather be
My quill is inked digitally


I can't find my way to me
But I can see a new road away
If I pull over I can make an attempt to be
Something different than what you see


If one person could just send me a message
If I could garner one comment intended for me
I think I could maybe start to understand
What it is to be me


I can't find my way to me
But I can see a new road away
If I pull over I can make an attempt to be
Something different than what you see


Is it so complex
Its a part of my complex
That keeps me away


I can't find my way to me
But I can see a new road away
If I pull over I can make an attempt to be
Something different than what you see


Is Change is the only answer
Do I have to be different
Is this what it all means
What is it about me


I can't find my way to me
But I can see a new road away
If I pull over I can make an attempt to be
Something different than what you see


Sometimes I wish my manual was open to see
Where is my trouble shooting guide
What happens when no one is left to understand me
Will I like broken on the side
Will there be no one left to tow me


I can't find my way to me
But I can see a new road away
If I pull over I can make an attempt to be
Something different than what you see



Scott

Me and everything now - Poem -

My darkest hours have turned to candy, they taste sweet and without guilt. I have gone above and beyond my expectations and found true love in the daggers of my friends. They will not use their tools against me for they fear the repercussions of my kind words. I am haunted by too many choices and so much love for everyone around me. I am in need of a clone who can help me to experience life two fold before I am dead, when I am dead I will still have lived a greater life than I could have ever before.

Scott